•BeMoreKinky Team

How to Be a “Good Slut”: Embracing Your Sexual Freedom with Confidence and Care

Introduction: Reclaiming the Word “Slut”

For many people, the word “slut” has long been laden with stigma and negative connotations. Yet in recent years, there has been a growing movement to reclaim this term as an emblem of sexual freedom, autonomy, and joy. In works such as The Ethical Slut—a landmark guide on consensual non-monogamy and open relationships—authors Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy demonstrate that embracing one’s inner “slut” can be an act of liberation. Being a “good slut” isn’t about chasing stereotypes or adopting anyone else’s version of sexuality; it’s about confidently choosing the kind of pleasure, intimacy, and relationships that align with your true self.

In this blog post, we’ll explore practical steps and mindful insights on how to embody “sluthood” with intention, communication, and care. Whether you’re single, in a relationship, or practicing various forms of ethical non-monogamy, these principles can help you celebrate your sexual agency in a way that feels healthy and joyful.

1. Acknowledge Your Desires (Without Shame)

Name Your Desires

  • Many of us have been socialized to feel guilt or embarrassment around wanting sex on our own terms. A first step in becoming a “good slut” is to acknowledge, honor, and name your desires. It might help to write them down, talk them through with a trusted friend, or share them with a sex-positive therapist.
  • Embracing your sexual needs is a powerful act. Give yourself permission to say: “I want sex freely,” “I enjoy multiple partners,” or “I feel turned on by [XYZ fantasy].” Taking ownership of your longings helps dissolve shame.

Identify the Roots of Shame

  • Cultural and familial narratives around promiscuity often fuel self-judgment. Ask yourself: “Where did I learn that multiple partners or casual sex is ‘bad’?” Reflecting on these roots can help you tease apart which beliefs genuinely resonate with you—and which you might want to discard.

Allow Room for Growth

  • Sexuality evolves over time. The fantasies or types of encounters that excite you today may morph tomorrow. Stay curious and open to natural changes.

2. Practice Clear, Enthusiastic Consent

If there’s one foundational principle every “good slut” should embrace, it’s consent—both giving it and receiving it.

Know Your Boundaries

  • A “good slut” is aware of personal edges and boundaries around sexual activities, emotional involvement, or even timing and location.
  • Make sure you can articulate these boundaries to prospective partners. For example, you might say: “I’m open to oral sex but not penetrative sex tonight,” or “I’m comfortable playing with multiple partners, but I need to use condoms every time.”

Cultivate Enthusiastic Consent

  • Consent is much more than a token yes/no. It’s an active, enthusiastic “Hell yes, I’m into this!” Checking in with partners throughout sexual encounters ensures that everyone stays on the same page.
  • Verbal check-ins might sound like: “Are you okay with continuing?” or “Do you still feel good about what we’re doing?”

Use Safewords When Desired

  • Borrowed from the BDSM/kink community, safewords (e.g., “red” for stop or “yellow” for slow down) are a valuable communication tool in any sexual context. They allow people to express a boundary without confusion.

3. Communication: The Bedrock of Sluthood

As sex educator Emily Nagoski points out in Come As You Are, communication about desire, arousal, and sexual contexts is crucial to fulfilling sexual encounters—particularly when you’re exploring multiple partners, new fantasies, or casual connections.

Ask for What You Want

  • Learning to articulate your desires is a hallmark of empowerment. Example: “I’d really love it if you kissed my neck for a while,” or “I’m curious about trying a three-way. How do you feel about that?”

Discuss Safer Sex Openly

  • Part of being a “good slut” is making safer sex practices non-negotiable. Conversations about STI testing, condom use, and even how you manage fluid-bonding (i.e., having unprotected sex within a specific agreement) must be open, honest, and without shame.
  • A respectful approach might be: “I was last tested on [date], and my results were [this]. How about you?”

Navigate Emotional Nuances

  • If you or your partner(s) start to experience unexpected feelings—jealousy, longing, insecurity—acknowledge them openly. Emotional honesty prevents misunderstandings. Seek therapy or counseling if needed to gain clarity and reassurance.

4. Own Your Choices: Sexual Empowerment in Action

Becoming a “good slut” isn’t just about having more partners or more sex; it’s about stepping into a realm of unapologetic authenticity. Sex researcher and educator Dr. Justin Lehmiller, in his book Tell Me What You Want, underscores the significance of self-knowledge and self-acceptance in sexual fulfillment.

Release the Need for External Validation

  • Some people adopt the identity of “slut” purely to gain approval from certain crowds. Being a “good slut” means seeking sexual connections that gratify you, not just an external ideal. Embrace your authenticity.

Avoid Slut-Shaming Others

  • If you reclaim “slut” for yourself but perpetuate negative judgments about someone else’s sexual choices, you haven’t truly embraced the principle of sexual freedom. Allow your acceptance to extend to others, whether they’re more conservative or more adventurous than you.

Celebrate Variety

  • There’s no single formula. You might enjoy large group scenes, prefer swinging with a partner, or love casual dating apps. A good slut sees the buffet of sexual possibilities and chooses what’s right for their palate.

5. Safer Sex as a Cornerstone of Self-Care

Being “slutty” is often associated with higher numbers of sexual encounters or partners—but quantity means nothing without quality, and quality includes safety. Research in sexual health, such as the CDC’s guidelines, consistently highlights that regular testing, condom use, and open conversations about health are some of the best ways to enjoy your sexuality.

Regular Testing and Transparency

  • If you have multiple partners, scheduling regular STI screenings is a sign of respect for yourself and your lovers. Disclose your status and testing history without shame or delay.

Use Protection Wisely

  • Condoms, dental dams, gloves, and PrEP (Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis for HIV prevention) can empower you to explore your sexuality widely without fear.
  • Keep protection at home, in your purse or bag, and talk with partners about using it. Make it a normal part of your sexual routine: “Let’s grab a condom before we get started.”

Non-Judgmental Openness

  • If a partner discloses a positive STI status, approach the topic with compassion, facts, and solutions. For instance, is the STI treatable or manageable? Educate yourself so you can make informed decisions while showing empathy.

6. Exploring Ethics: The “Good” in Being a “Good Slut”

Contrary to the stereotype that casual sex means a lack of ethics, many “sluts” prioritize honesty, clarity, and compassion—sometimes even more rigorously than monogamous people who never have to have these conversations.

Informed Consent is Ethical

  • Every encounter should be based on informed agreement. If you have multiple partners, honesty about that fact is crucial—nobody wants to be blindsided.
  • Ethical sluthood thrives on transparent communication: “I’m currently seeing two other people. Is that okay with you?”

Boundaries in Poly and Open Relationships

  • Ethical non-monogamy often has guidelines to protect everyone’s emotional well-being. For example, some couples practice “don’t ask, don’t tell,” while others want detailed updates about every date. A “good slut” respects these agreements.

Respect for Each Other’s Humanity

  • Being “slutty” is never an excuse to treat someone as an object. Each partner is a fully-fledged human being with hopes, needs, and boundaries. Ethical sluthood embraces mutual respect, whether it’s a one-night stand or a friend-with-benefits arrangement.

7. Cultivate Emotional Resilience

As sex columnist Dan Savage often emphasizes in his “Savage Lovecast,” stepping into a liberated sexual identity can be exhilarating but also emotionally challenging. People’s judgments, self-doubts, or even your own confusion about what you truly want can arise.

Self-Compassion Check-Ins

  • Don’t beat yourself up if you make a mistake—maybe you realized you were moving too fast or ended up feeling burned out from too many dates. It’s normal to stumble in any new exploration.

Allow Space for Decompression

  • Especially if you’re exploring group sex or intense kink scenes, take time afterward to reflect, decompress, and practice self-care. Journaling or debriefing with a trusted friend or therapist can help process powerful experiences.

Setbacks ≠ Failures

  • If you encounter jealousy, heartbreak, or regrets, remind yourself these are natural human emotions—slut or not. Use them as learning opportunities. Honor your emotions without letting them define you.

8. Finding Community & Resources

You’re far from alone on the journey of sexual self-discovery. There are thriving sex-positive communities, both online and offline, where you can find validation, friendship, and guidance.

Online Communities

  • Websites and forums like FetLife, various subreddits, or local Meetup groups can connect you with like-minded individuals. Remember: approach new people carefully and follow basic safety measures when meeting for the first time.

Local Sex-Positive Events

  • Check if your city hosts events like munches (informal get-togethers for kink-friendly folks), workshops on consent and bondage, or sex-ed lectures by local organizations.

Reading & Education

  • Books like Come As You Are (Emily Nagoski), More Than Two (Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert), and Opening Up (Tristan Taormino) offer excellent perspectives on non-monogamy, desire, and communication.

9. Embrace Your Inner Slut—On Your Terms

Ultimately, being a “good slut” is about defining your pleasure, your pace, and your personal ethics. It’s a declaration that your body, your sexual desires, and your emotional well-being belong to you.

  • No Single Definition: One person’s “sluthood” might mean frequent casual encounters, while someone else’s might center on exploring fantasies within a primary partnership.
  • Respect and Connection: However you manifest your “slutty” side, doing it ethically means respecting boundaries (yours and others’) and striving for genuine connections—however fleeting or sustained they may be.

Conclusion: Pleasure, Power, and Personal Growth

Gone are the days when “slut” was automatically a put-down. More and more people see it as a banner for sexual self-awareness, freedom, and ownership. Doing it well—being a “good slut”—involves emotional intelligence, ongoing self-reflection, enthusiastic consent, honesty, and an unapologetic embrace of desire.

Sexual energy can be a potent force, capable of fostering personal insight and deep bonds. By practicing mindful, open communication and safer-sex principles, and by honoring each person’s boundaries, you can relish every moment of your sexual journey. Embrace the path on your own terms, let pleasure be your guide, and watch how liberating it feels to celebrate your body, your desires, and the beautiful mosaic of your sexuality.

References & Further Reading

  • Easton, D., & Hardy, J. W. (2017). The Ethical Slut (3rd ed.). Ten Speed Press.
  • Nagoski, E. (2015). Come As You Are. Simon & Schuster.
  • Lehmiller, J. J. (2018). Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life. Da Capo Press.
  • Taormino, T. (2008). Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships. Cleis Press.
  • Veaux, F., & Rickert, E. (2014). More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory. Thorntree Press.

(Note: Always seek personalized counsel or therapy for unique issues. The information here is for educational and motivational purposes and does not replace individualized professional advice.)