Earning Your Collar: Week Five – Sustaining Arousal & Mastering Protocol Fluidity

Earning Your Collar: Week Four – Advanced Training for Submissives

Earning Your Collar: Week Three Training Guide for Submissives

Earning Your Collar: Week Two Training Guide for Submissives

How to Be a Bratty Sub: A Complete Guide

Earning Your Collar: Week one training guide for submissives


# How to Be a “Good Slut”: Embracing Your Sexual Freedom with Confidence and Care

## Introduction: Reclaiming the Word “Slut”

For many people, the word “slut” has long been laden with stigma and negative connotations. Yet in recent years, there has been a growing movement to reclaim this term as an emblem of sexual freedom, autonomy, and joy. In works such as *The Ethical Slut*—a landmark guide on consensual non-monogamy and open relationships—authors Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy demonstrate that embracing one’s inner “slut” can be an act of liberation. Being a “good slut” isn’t about chasing stereotypes or adopting anyone else’s version of sexuality; it’s about confidently choosing the kind of pleasure, intimacy, and relationships that align with your true self.

In this blog post, we’ll explore practical steps and mindful insights on how to embody “sluthood” with intention, communication, and care. Whether you’re single, in a relationship, or practicing various forms of ethical non-monogamy, these principles can help you celebrate your sexual agency in a way that feels healthy and joyful.

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## 1. Acknowledge Your Desires (Without Shame)

### Name Your Desires
- Many of us have been socialized to feel guilt or embarrassment around wanting sex on our own terms. A first step in becoming a “good slut” is to acknowledge, honor, and *name* your desires. It might help to write them down, talk them through with a trusted friend, or share them with a sex-positive therapist.
- Embracing your sexual needs is a powerful act. Give yourself permission to say: “I want sex freely,” “I enjoy multiple partners,” or “I feel turned on by [XYZ fantasy].” Taking ownership of your longings helps dissolve shame.

### Identify the Roots of Shame
- Cultural and familial narratives around promiscuity often fuel self-judgment. Ask yourself: “Where did I learn that multiple partners or casual sex is ‘bad’?” Reflecting on these roots can help you tease apart which beliefs genuinely resonate with you—and which you might want to discard.

### Allow Room for Growth
- Sexuality evolves over time. The fantasies or types of encounters that excite you today may morph tomorrow. Stay curious and open to natural changes.

---

## 2. Practice Clear, Enthusiastic Consent

If there’s one foundational principle every “good slut” should embrace, it’s consent—both giving it and receiving it.

### Know Your Boundaries
- A “good slut” is aware of personal edges and boundaries around sexual activities, emotional involvement, or even timing and location.
- Make sure you can articulate these boundaries to prospective partners. For example, you might say: “I’m open to oral sex but not penetrative sex tonight,” or “I’m comfortable playing with multiple partners, but I need to use condoms every time.”

### Cultivate Enthusiastic Consent
- Consent is much more than a token yes/no. It’s an active, enthusiastic “Hell yes, I’m into this!” Checking in with partners throughout sexual encounters ensures that everyone stays on the same page.
- Verbal check-ins might sound like: “Are you okay with continuing?” or “Do you still feel good about what we’re doing?”

### Use Safewords When Desired
- Borrowed from the BDSM/kink community, safewords (e.g., “red” for stop or “yellow” for slow down) are a valuable communication tool in any sexual context. They allow people to express a boundary without confusion.

---

## 3. Communication: The Bedrock of Sluthood

As sex educator Emily Nagoski points out in *Come As You Are*, communication about desire, arousal, and sexual contexts is crucial to fulfilling sexual encounters—particularly when you’re exploring multiple partners, new fantasies, or casual connections.

### Ask for What You Want
- Learning to articulate your desires is a hallmark of empowerment. Example: “I’d really love it if you kissed my neck for a while,” or “I’m curious about trying a three-way. How do you feel about that?”

### Discuss Safer Sex Openly
- Part of being a “good slut” is making safer sex practices non-negotiable. Conversations about STI testing, condom use, and even how you manage fluid-bonding (i.e., having unprotected sex within a specific agreement) must be open, honest, and without shame.
- A respectful approach might be: “I was last tested on [date], and my results were [this]. How about you?”

### Navigate Emotional Nuances
- If you or your partner(s) start to experience unexpected feelings—jealousy, longing, insecurity—acknowledge them openly. Emotional honesty prevents misunderstandings. Seek therapy or counseling if needed to gain clarity and reassurance.

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## 4. Own Your Choices: Sexual Empowerment in Action

Becoming a “good slut” isn’t just about having more partners or more sex; it’s about stepping into a realm of unapologetic authenticity. Sex researcher and educator Dr. Justin Lehmiller, in his book *Tell Me What You Want*, underscores the significance of self-knowledge and self-acceptance in sexual fulfillment.

### Release the Need for External Validation
- Some people adopt the identity of “slut” purely to gain approval from certain crowds. Being a “good slut” means seeking sexual connections that gratify *you*, not just an external ideal. Embrace your authenticity.

### Avoid Slut-Shaming Others
- If you reclaim “slut” for yourself but perpetuate negative judgments about someone else’s sexual choices, you haven’t truly embraced the principle of sexual freedom. Allow your acceptance to extend to others, whether they’re more conservative or more adventurous than you.

### Celebrate Variety
- There’s no single formula. You might enjoy large group scenes, prefer swinging with a partner, or love casual dating apps. A good slut sees the buffet of sexual possibilities and chooses what’s right for *their* palate.

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## 5. Safer Sex as a Cornerstone of Self-Care

Being “slutty” is often associated with higher numbers of sexual encounters or partners—but quantity means nothing without quality, and quality includes safety. Research in sexual health, such as the CDC’s guidelines, consistently highlights that regular testing, condom use, and open conversations about health are some of the best ways to enjoy your sexuality.

### Regular Testing and Transparency
- If you have multiple partners, scheduling regular STI screenings is a sign of respect for yourself and your lovers. Disclose your status and testing history without shame or delay.

### Use Protection Wisely
- Condoms, dental dams, gloves, and PrEP (Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis for HIV prevention) can empower you to explore your sexuality widely without fear.
- Keep protection at home, in your purse or bag, and talk with partners about using it. Make it a normal part of your sexual routine: “Let’s grab a condom before we get started.”

### Non-Judgmental Openness
- If a partner discloses a positive STI status, approach the topic with compassion, facts, and solutions. For instance, is the STI treatable or manageable? Educate yourself so you can make informed decisions while showing empathy.

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## 6. Exploring Ethics: The “Good” in Being a “Good Slut”

Contrary to the stereotype that casual sex means a lack of ethics, many “sluts” prioritize honesty, clarity, and compassion—sometimes even *more* rigorously than monogamous people who never have to have these conversations.

### Informed Consent is Ethical
- Every encounter should be based on informed agreement. If you have multiple partners, honesty about that fact is crucial—nobody wants to be blindsided.
- Ethical sluthood thrives on transparent communication: “I’m currently seeing two other people. Is that okay with you?”

### Boundaries in Poly and Open Relationships
- Ethical non-monogamy often has guidelines to protect everyone’s emotional well-being. For example, some couples practice “don’t ask, don’t tell,” while others want detailed updates about every date. A “good slut” respects these agreements.

### Respect for Each Other’s Humanity
- Being “slutty” is never an excuse to treat someone as an object. Each partner is a fully-fledged human being with hopes, needs, and boundaries. Ethical sluthood embraces mutual respect, whether it’s a one-night stand or a friend-with-benefits arrangement.

---

## 7. Cultivate Emotional Resilience

As sex columnist Dan Savage often emphasizes in his “Savage Lovecast,” stepping into a liberated sexual identity can be exhilarating but also emotionally challenging. People’s judgments, self-doubts, or even your own confusion about what you truly want can arise.

### Self-Compassion Check-Ins
- Don’t beat yourself up if you make a mistake—maybe you realized you were moving too fast or ended up feeling burned out from too many dates. It’s normal to stumble in any new exploration.

### Allow Space for Decompression
- Especially if you’re exploring group sex or intense kink scenes, take time afterward to reflect, decompress, and practice self-care. Journaling or debriefing with a trusted friend or therapist can help process powerful experiences.

### Setbacks ≠ Failures
- If you encounter jealousy, heartbreak, or regrets, remind yourself these are natural human emotions—slut or not. Use them as learning opportunities. Honor your emotions without letting them define you.

---

## 8. Finding Community & Resources

You’re far from alone on the journey of sexual self-discovery. There are thriving sex-positive communities, both online and offline, where you can find validation, friendship, and guidance.

### Online Communities
- Websites and forums like FetLife, various subreddits, or local Meetup groups can connect you with like-minded individuals. Remember: approach new people carefully and follow basic safety measures when meeting for the first time.

### Local Sex-Positive Events
- Check if your city hosts events like munches (informal get-togethers for kink-friendly folks), workshops on consent and bondage, or sex-ed lectures by local organizations.

### Reading & Education
- Books like *Come As You Are* (Emily Nagoski), *More Than Two* (Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert), and *Opening Up* (Tristan Taormino) offer excellent perspectives on non-monogamy, desire, and communication.

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## 9. Embrace Your Inner Slut—On Your Terms

Ultimately, being a “good slut” is about defining your pleasure, your pace, and your personal ethics. It’s a declaration that your body, your sexual desires, and your emotional well-being belong to *you*.

- **No Single Definition**: One person’s “sluthood” might mean frequent casual encounters, while someone else’s might center on exploring fantasies within a primary partnership.
- **Respect and Connection**: However you manifest your “slutty” side, doing it ethically means respecting boundaries (yours and others’) and striving for genuine connections—however fleeting or sustained they may be.

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## Conclusion: Pleasure, Power, and Personal Growth

Gone are the days when “slut” was automatically a put-down. More and more people see it as a banner for sexual self-awareness, freedom, and ownership. Doing it *well*—being a “good slut”—involves emotional intelligence, ongoing self-reflection, enthusiastic consent, honesty, and an unapologetic embrace of desire.

Sexual energy can be a potent force, capable of fostering personal insight and deep bonds. By practicing mindful, open communication and safer-sex principles, and by honoring each person’s boundaries, you can relish every moment of your sexual journey. Embrace the path on your own terms, let pleasure be your guide, and watch how liberating it feels to celebrate your body, your desires, and the beautiful mosaic of your sexuality.

---

### References & Further Reading
- Easton, D., & Hardy, J. W. (2017). *The Ethical Slut* (3rd ed.). Ten Speed Press.
- Nagoski, E. (2015). *Come As You Are*. Simon & Schuster.
- Lehmiller, J. J. (2018). *Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life.* Da Capo Press.
- Taormino, T. (2008). *Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships.* Cleis Press.
- Veaux, F., & Rickert, E. (2014). *More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory.* Thorntree Press.

*(Note: Always seek personalized counsel or therapy for unique issues. The information here is for educational and motivational purposes and does not replace individualized professional advice.)*


How to Be a Good Slut: Embrace Sexual Freedom with Confidence and Care


# What is a full power bottom?

### Introduction

Submission often gets misunderstood as weakness. Many mainstream narratives depict a submissive as someone who is powerless, passive, or merely taking direction without any real say in the matter. Yet, in healthy BDSM relationships, submission is a highly intentional, consensual, and mindful act—one that calls upon an inner reservoir of strength. This post will shine a light on the concept of the “full-power bottom” and explore how submission can be an empowering choice rooted in strength, trust, and mutual respect.

---

### The Myth of the Passive Submissive

It’s easy to conflate *submission* with powerlessness. After all, pop culture often shows the person “on top” as strong and the person “on the bottom” as weak. However, this “power-over” lens misses a critical point: a bottom actually chooses to submit. This choice in itself is an assertion of power—saying *yes* (and sometimes *no*) in a space where negotiation and consent are core principles.

Many bottoms and submissives come from positions of considerable authority or responsibility in their everyday lives. The CEO who loves being tied up, the high-powered lawyer who relishes a spanking scene, or the busy parent who finds solace in serving a partner during a carefully negotiated D/s scene—these examples show us that submission is not about being powerless. It’s about how, why, and to whom you *choose* to give your power.

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### Defining the “Full-Power Bottom”

The concept of a “full-power bottom” emphasizes a submissive who engages with awareness, self-knowledge, and personal agency. This person recognizes that:

1. **They always have a choice:** Even in the most intense scene, they can safeword if something isn’t right.
2. **They know and communicate their desires and limits:** They take responsibility for clarifying what they do—or do not—want in a scene.
3. **They negotiate their role consciously:** They recognize that submission is a gift, not an obligation, and they offer it to a trusted top with intention.

Contrary to the stereotype of the bottom who passively accepts every whim of the top, the full-power bottom is active in shaping the experience. By determining boundaries and communicating fantasies or fears, the submissive makes the play or relationship more vibrant, fulfilling, and safe for both parties.

---

### “Power-With” vs. “Power-Over”

In many social, political, or even personal contexts, we often see “power-over” at play. This is a zero-sum model: one person’s gain is another’s loss, and power is hoarded to dominate or control. The BDSM world challenges this by introducing the idea of “power-with”:

- **Power-Over:** “I get to feel strong because I take something away from you.”
- **Power-With:** “We’re both made stronger by supporting and sharing power with each other.”

Within a consensual BDSM dynamic, a submissive’s choice to surrender can heighten the top’s sense of control, but it doesn’t have to lessen the bottom’s power. *Power-with* acknowledges that everyone has agency before, during, and after a scene. The dynamic becomes exciting because both partners are bringing their full selves to the table—negotiating, trusting, and co-creating their experience.

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### Why Submission Can Feel Empowering

1. **Intentional Surrender:** Letting go of control can be a profound relief. Submissives often describe a sense of freedom, release, and catharsis when they temporarily set aside responsibilities and trust a partner to lead.
2. **Deepened Intimacy:** When a submissive entrusts their body and emotions to a top, it fosters a deep connection. Knowing that you can be vulnerable and still be respected is a powerful bonding experience.
3. **Expanded Self-Knowledge:** Submission encourages introspection. Being aware of your boundaries, triggers, desires, and emotional landscape is critical to healthy BDSM. Over time, submissives often gain a strong sense of self, discovering new capacities for endurance, pleasure, and personal growth.
4. **Shared Responsibility:** By actively participating in the negotiation process, submissives shape the scene. This collaboration ensures each session feels more like a creative partnership rather than a one-sided affair.

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### Practical Tips for Embracing Full-Power Submission

1. **Know Your Limits and Desires:** Engage in honest self-reflection. What excites you? What scares you? What’s a ‘hard no’ for you? Clarity on these questions empowers you to communicate effectively.
2. **Use Safewords and Check-Ins:** Establish safewords (e.g., “yellow,” “red”) or phrases to pause or stop a scene. Remember, using a safeword is never a “failure”; it’s part of taking care of yourself.
3. **Negotiate from a Place of Equality:** Prior to a scene, talk to your partner as equals—discuss fantasies, boundaries, safer-sex practices, and how you’ll handle the unexpected.
4. **Ask for What You Want:** Yes, it can feel vulnerable to say, “I’d love for you to do X, Y, or Z to me.” But being direct often results in hotter, more satisfying play for everyone.
5. **Debrief Post-Scene:** Aftercare and open communication (sometimes called a “check-in” or “scene debrief”) allow both partners to share feelings and feedback, strengthening trust for the next adventure.

---

### Staying True to Your Power

At its best, a D/s (Dominance/submission) dynamic is a dance—one made possible by two people who are each strong and willing to share their strength. By embracing the idea of “power-with,” submissives move beyond outdated, harmful narratives of passivity or objectification. Instead, they step into the fuller, richer role of a *co-creator* of pleasure, exploration, and connection.

**Reframing submission** as the art of “full-power bottoming” highlights the freedom, autonomy, and potential for growth that emerges when a person chooses to submit. This isn’t about being “less than.” It’s about owning your agency, recognizing the beauty and potency in intentional surrender, and harnessing the kind of power that only comes from a place of genuine, mutual respect.

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### Final Thoughts

In a world that too often values control above connection, being a full-power bottom is a radical, life-affirming act. It invites us to explore a different kind of strength—one that stems from trust, consent, shared vulnerability, and the confidence to say “yes” when we mean it and “no” when we don’t.

By championing “power-with” and redefining what it means to surrender, submissives open themselves up to profound sensations and transformations. It’s a journey that asks for courage, honesty, and communication—and in return, offers an exhilarating sense of freedom and self-discovery that’s as empowering as it is ecstatic.


Power in Submission: Reframing the Narrative of the ‘Full-Power Bottom’


# Exploring Sub Space: Unleashing Your Kinky Bottoming Passions

Submissives, have you ever heard the whispers of the mythical "sub space," that elusive realm where boundaries blur, sensations heighten, and inhibitions melt away? What is sub space? This erotic nirvana, achieved through scorching BDSM play, is where the line between fantasy and reality dissolves, unraveling a world of carnal possibilities. But how do you unlock your own unique sub space? Join us as we plunge into the depths of kink to discover your personalized bottoming style and embark on a sizzling adventure to exquisite submission.

## Unveiling Sub Space

Sub space, or "bottom space," is a transcendental state of mind that envelops some submissives during a scene. It's like an erotic daydream, leaving you feeling both connected to your partner and disconnected from reality. Imagine every touch, every command, every sensation amplified tenfold—a symphony of pleasure and pain that crescendos into an unparalleled climax of submission. Key characteristics may include:

- Heightened focus on the scene's sensations
- Emotional vulnerability or openness
- Altered perception of time and space
- A flood of endorphins, inducing euphoria

## Discovering Your Bottoming Style

The submissive role is as diverse as those who embrace it. Some crave the surrender of control, while others thrive on the edge of playful defiance. To unearth your personal style, consider these factors:

1. **Explore Your Fantasies**: Do you imagine being a submissive captive, a rebellious brat, or a devoted servant? Embrace these fantasies to ignite your inner desires.

2. **Experiment with D/s Roles**: Submissives can be shy and obedient or sassy and defiant. Try on different roles to discover your most arousing alter ego.

3. **Listen to Your Body's Cues**: Sub space is both physical and emotional. Tune into what arouses you, excites you, or leaves you trembling with satisfaction.

4. **Embrace Flexibility**: Your desires may shift with your mood or partner. Embrace the ebb and flow of your bottoming style, from playful and flirtatious to deeply submissive and serene.

## Setting the Stage for Sensual Surrender

To fully dive into sub space, create an irresistible BDSM playground where trust, communication, and preparation are key. Here's how to set the stage for an unforgettable kinky escapade:

- **Build Trust with Your Dominant**: Trust is essential in any BDSM dynamic. Feeling secure with your partner paves the way for a journey into the depths of sub space without fear.

- **Communicate Your Desires and Limits**: Openly share your fantasies, hard limits, and soft limits to ensure your scene is tailored to your desires and pushes you just far enough.

- **Set the Scene**: Rituals and sensory details can help you plunge into the sub space mindset. Try donning a collar, engaging in erotic breathwork, or playing a sultry playlist to set the mood.

- **Plan for Sumptuous Aftercare**: Coming out of sub space can be as intense as entering it. Prepare for post-scene aftercare that tantalizes your physical and emotional cravings, such as tender lovemaking, a decadent meal, or quality time to reflect on your shared adventure.

## Navigating Naughty Nuisances

Sub space is exhilarating but not without its challenges. Some submissives grapple with guilt, shame, or vulnerability, while others may blur fantasy with reality. Mastering these hurdles requires:

1. **Acknowledging Your Emotions**: It's normal to feel overwhelmed or emotional during or after a scene. Embrace these feelings and discuss them with your dominant or a trusted confidant to process your emotions and grow from the experience.

2. **Use Safewords Fearlessly**: Safewords are the ultimate power play in BDSM. They are not a sign of failure but rather a testament to your open communication.

3. **Maintain Fantasy-Reality Balance**: BDSM is consensual play, not real-life power dynamics. Keeping these lines of fantasy and reality clear helps to maintain a healthy dynamic.

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In conclusion, embrace your submissive desires and prepare for a mind-bending journey into the depths of sub space. Your kinky passions await exploration as you unlock your unique bottoming style and push the limits of erotic submission. Discover what drives you wild, what makes you tremble with delight, and most importantly, never apologize for the deviant, lustful being you are meant to be.


Exploring Sub Space: Unleashing Your Kinky Bottoming Passions

Dive into the world of submission, exploring its emotional, physical, and psychological facets in BDSM dynamics.

Submission

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